25 weeks, 4 days

So pregnancy is = slack blog........

Since I last posted I guess there has not been too much going on really:
-Had a UTI which took two lots of antibiotics to clear it up;
-Have received advice that our nursery furniture order is ready to pick up and hopefully we can go and get it this weekend!
- We have had a Doppler check a couple of times;
-I had my first emotional/sooky morning
-Ruby is doing all sorts of cool tricks and moves in my belly and i can see poke from under my shirt - which makes me giggle!
-One of my besties sent out my BB shower invites for early April!!!
-My belly measures at approx 103cm circumference (at its widest point) in the mornings;
-I can't seem to get through the day without a flavoured milk or hot chocolate and an orange;
-Ruby's quilt top that i made has been sent off to get quilted and should be finished very shortly!
-I got up enough courage to post my baby bump on facebook;
-I've really slowed down with the purchasing off baby items, realising that I will get so much at my baby shower and can leave whats left on my list until after then;
- After today I have 8.5 weeks left at work!!!!
- After my next OB appointment @ 28 weeks we are down to ftnly appointments!!!

Will try and post more regularly and put a newish pic up next post :)

20 weeks 6 days

Since my last post we have had our morphology scan and another quick scan with our ob. Both concur that embie is doing well, and is within whats considered normal for this stage of pregnancy. They also both concur that it is a girl!

We have been calling her Ruby ever since!!!

With the morphology scan we got a cute lil 5min dvd that shows her moving around and all her lil body parts like still shots of both legs, feet, arms, hands etc.

I'm so excited to be having a little girl, although would have been just as excited to be told it was a boy! I love that it makes it seem more real, knowing the sex and I also think it is helping with the bonding of all three of us!

I've been feeling really healthy over the last few weeks. My belly feels like its grown heaps, but when I measure once a week, its not growing that quickly really. I have still only gained a total of 1.4 kgs so far, and I lost a lot more than that in the first trimester as well.

I expect to be gaining around 1/2kg a week for the rest of the 2nd trimester????

Ruby should be about 17 cm from head to rump right about now, and if she's anything like her parents, she'll probably have some long legs to boot!

I've bought lots of pink stuff to even out the blue clothing I already had from previous pregnancies and am now happy that she will be pretty in pink.

Within the last 2 weeks I am now confident of the movement she is making and some of her kicks are unmistakeably strong! My husband felt his first kick at 19 weeks 6 days. We seem to feel them the most in the late afternoons/evenings and the position I sit in on the couch seems to be ideal (that is where we have both felt the most and the strongest!).

Loving being pregnant and can see me wanting to be in this situation a lot more in my future, which is a big change to the first 12 weeks when I was so scared shitless that I didn't think I'd want to be pregnant ever again!

18 weeks, 6 days

Just two more sleeps until our morphology scan which will a) let us know that embie is still doing ok, b) let us know about any deformities c) determine the sex of our little one!

I am getting super scared about the scan day, as I know that if anything is wrong with embie, like its heart has stopped beating, that's when we will find out.

Since I last posted I have noticed that I have been snappier than usual (especially at my poor husband). I can relate to it feeling like PMS. I have put on 1kg which I am very proud of, and my tummy has gained another centimetre.

I still haven't felt anything that I'm confident about being embie moving around inside, and cannot wait until that happens.

I have notice a change in my bowel movements in that they have gone a little more towards the constipation end of the scale than in my first trimester. I'm not concerned really as I know this is very common, but I am wondering what has caused the change? Is it just my digestive system slowing down? Is the fibre I'm consuming in a different form due to change of seasons and change of fruit and veges etc?

My only real cravings so far have been boost juice (in the first trimester), twisties and then and now cheezels, and I feel one forming for fresh bun loaf! Notice no healthy ones!

Our collection of baby items is coming along nicely, with embie's nursery starting to fill slowly with bits and pieces. I have formed a list of outstanding items which I am going to try and stick to now, rather than just buying all the cute things I see. After the scan on Tuesday, when we know the sex and safety of the baby, we are going to decide on and order the nursery furniture. As well as buying some more sex specific clothing/blankets/towels etc.

We have decided on a sherbet/pastel orange colour for a feature wall in the nursery, as it goes well with two large toys and the main cot set we have bought for the room. We also wanted to go a unisex colour so that the nursery would be appropriate for all of our future children (fingers crossed) and not just whatever sex the first one was.

After Tuesday (all going well) I might post some pics of the little one, and an update on my tummy if it has grown any further.

17 weeks

As of this morning I am 17 weeks pregnant. Still finding it so hard to believe, I have to get out of bed each morning and look at my belly to try and convince myself! Since the 16 week mark, by belly diameter (at it's widest point - which is currently just under my belly button) gained another 4 cm which was totally exciting and promising, and I'm measuring it and my weight once a week now for signs of improvement!

I still have not gained a pound during this pregnancy.....I was losing weight when we fell pregnant and then continued to do so until probably 3 or 4 weeks ago. Since then I have maintained that weight. I wonder when some extra will start to stick? My belly is definitely growing.......and my appetite is normal (except I not as interested in dessert as normal.)

(above is my belly @ 16 weeks)


Last Tuesday we had our 16 week checkup and our Ob checked the baby size - by looking at my belly and checked for the heartbeat. We got to listen to the heartbeat for ages! It sounded a little like a galloping horse! Totally cute!

I'm hanging out for when I can definitely feel embie's movements. I've had a couple of instances where I've felt something and am not too sure, so I'm just waiting for a definite one - grow embie grow! If it's anything like its Dad, I'm sure it will be a total wriggler/fiddler the whole time its awake!

As of Christmas day I will be 17 weeks 5 days pregnant which totally beats the pants off last Christmas when we were also pregnant, but most likely miscarrying. I can't wait until next Christmas when we are going to have a gorgeous little someone to spoil rotten!

15 more sleeps til our 19 week scan with a different specialist, and we find out how our baby's doing and what sex!

15 weeks

I am currently 15 weeks, 3 days pregnant, and a little tired of me doubting myself! When will i just get to enjoy being pregnant!

It's only 5 more sleeps til our next obsterican appointment next Tuesday and I can't wait! I am prepared not to be having a scan but am dying to at least hear the babies heartbeat and know that everything is on track!

4 weeks between appointments is far to long, I'd love weekly ones just to keep my sanity levels at a normal level.

I have been feeling fine the last couple of weeks. I've notice my appetite has fully returned to normal, maybe even a bit higher than normal, and my belly is at consistant size each morning, which I think means that the hyperstim issues must be gone???

I have a few questions lined up to ask the obsterican when I go. Like - is it safe to get my hair coloured (which I know he will say yes, but I need to hear it from him); and how much of my belly would still be hyperstim bloat, and how much is just normal baby belly for 16 weeks.

13 weeks (P2)

My GP tested my urine, ordered blood tests and a full abdominal ultrasound to fully investigate what had happened. She doubted it was a gallbladder attack, as my pain the next day had changed.

The ultrasound revealed 2-3mm stones in my gallbladder and a funky lil embie that did a 180 degree turn whilst we were watching it! It was sooooooooooooo cute! Today was the first day we saw it in an upright position in my body, as every other time it was on its side.

Anyways the GP looked at all of my results later that day and advised that the stones in the gallbladder are normal and that it wouldn't have been enough to have caused such an attack.
She put it down to the OHSS. I think I agree with her. I remember my first time with OHSS my husband had to take me to the emergency room with immense pain that resembled what I had the night before. Super scary!

I'm now 13 weeks 6 days and itching for another ultrasound. I feel like I might be more relaxed and comfortable if i have one a week! I wish!

This week has been fairly good, I've had a few lil aches and pains which i have put down to embie growing and my uterus stretching etc. I've also had a discomfort type feeling where my pubic bone meets my abdomen whenever I am going between standing or sitting. I feel it may be a OHSS thing more than a baby thing, but it still worries me. I have decided if it persists today and tomorrow I'm going to call the midwife tomorrow afternoon and have a bit of a whinge and see what she thinks.

I am now totally over OHSS and am dying for the symptoms of it to 'f' the hell off! I was imagining at the end of the 1st trimester for my tummy to go back to a normal 13 week pregnant size as the bloat would now be a thing of the past. However I was sadly mistakened as by belly has not decreased in size a single centimetre!

I read this morning that it can take up to the 15 week mark for the HCG levels to settle back down to what they were when you first fell pregnant, so maybe it is going to take until then?

Emotionally I think I am going really well considering..........I still have this terrible feeling that the baby won't make it in the back of my mind the whole time, but I balance that with telling myself that the chances of that happening are next to nothing, and that its been through the hardest/riskiest bit already, and made it, therefore it's one tough lil cookie!

I know that either way, as long as I continue to do all the right things - not over doing it, no heavy lifting, eating all the right foods, that I'm doing all I can, and the rest isn't really up to me!

I had my TSH tested again with a perfect result of 1. I'm so grateful my thyroid is playing nice!

Its now going to be just over two weeks until our next obs appointment (14/12), where i think we just hear the heartbeat and don't get a scan - which sucks! Its then another 3 weeks from that appointment (04/01) until we have the big scan that looks at absolutely everything and we should then get to find out the sex!

13 weeks

Today is the first day of 13 weeks pregnant!!!! and also the first day of my 2nd trimester. I absolutely cannot believe it still and feel like I'm in some kind of beautiful dream - that I want to last for another 6 months........

This is a pic of what my embie would look like about now.............................................................

We actually got to see embie on the Friday just gone, by matter of a kind of emergency really. On the Thursday night as we had just finished up dinner I started to get waves of pain across the top of my abdomen (just under my chest). They would go from one side right around to the other and by 8.30pm I had the choice to either go to bed and try and ride it out or go to the emergency room because over the two hours they had gotten worse and worse.

I decided to go to the emergency room because I was concerned for embie, even though I was fairly confident the pains had nothing to do with him/her. After we had been seen by the doctor there I was diagnosed with a Gallbladder attack, as when the doctor put pressure on where my Gallbladder was and asked me to take a deep breath in and out, it really hurt.

He sent us home advising that usually a Gallbladder attack was normally for females who were fat and forty. He said that my recent IVF cycles and this pregnancy had increased the hormones in my body which can bring about an attack. He said hopefully it was a light first attack and that I should go home and rest with a panadol.

Well about an hour after being home and going to bed, the pains up'd their anti and set me feeling like I was going to pass out, I go the shivers and my teeth started chattering and the pain was 10 times worse than it was an hour or so before. I got my husband to get me the laptop so I could google how long a Gallbladder attack was meant to last for, and it said 15mins to several hours!!! Trust me to get the several hour version!

The next morning I woke to a tired sore belly from my lower abdomen to right up under my chest and from one side right the way to the other side. The pain had changed to more like whole belly tenderness whenever i moved. I made an appointment to see a GP before work.

To be continued....................

10 weeks 1 day

Today I am 10 weeks 1 day pregnant ( i hope).

Since I last posted everything has seemed to have gone fairly smoothly overall. I still had lil bits of mostly brown or a tiny streak of pink every couple of days when i would wipe after going to the loo. Other than that, I noticed at around the 9 week mark, I seemed to loose my 'off feeling' and started to feel a lot more hungry. This concerned me as straight away i was thinking oh no it's a sign that something is wrong.

Last Friday (I was 9 weeks, 4 days) I was at work and had some bright red blood when I wiped. It was more than a spotting amount and I totally freaked out (on the inside). I felt like that was it, the sign that things were all going south, I was kind of shocked really. I straight away made the decision to call my Obstetrician and explain what had happened and ask for an urgent ultrasound. They were quite happy to accommodate me and got me in at the end of their day.

I met our obstetrician for the first time that day and am really happy with my choice, he seems really friendly and competent. He did a scan (my first external one!) and quickly advised that everything was fine! He showed us the embryo on the screen and let us hear the heartbeat to reassure us. I couldn't make out much through my tears of happiness and relief, however my husband said he noticed such a big change from the previous scan - this time embie had little nubs where its arms and legs are that it head was a lot more visible now.

I'm not sure what caused the bleeding, but the obstetrician didn't seem that concerned really, he took a swab from my cervix to scan for any infections, and I haven't heard anything back from them yet, so I'm assuming its all good. I recall on the Wednesday before the bleed I had really bad lower back niggles throughout the day, maybe it was just my uterus growing and adjusting? Who knows? But I haven't had a streak of pink or brown or any other colour of the rainbow since!

I'm so thankful we were able to have that scan as it was over two weeks since the last one and was just over another 2 weeks until the 12 week scan, so it should keep me feeling confident for that brief window of time.......fingers crossed.

I absolutely cannot believe that I am 10 weeks pregnant and am so over the moon excited, proud and thankful! I pray numerous times a day that this pregnancy will make the 'safe' 12 week mark and then hopefully to full term of course!

I still haven't got back that 'off feeling' I had in the earlier weeks (which is good I guess), however I'm still struggling with eating and can never decide what I feel like, or find something that I eat the lot of.

My belly is still quite noticeable - maybe people think I've put on weight? Or maybe it looks like a baby belly - I'm not to sure, I just know that a lot of it must be hyperstim bloat as in the mornings my belly is a lot smaller than by the end of the day!

Still going....

It seems pregnancy means I have been a major slacker when it comes to my blog!

My last post described the scan I had almost a ftn ago. Since then we returned to the FS for a scan last Thursday. My FS was able to measure the embryo at 7 weeks 1 day, which means we picked up a day since the scan the week before. We were also able to hear the heartbeat this time with the Doppler. It sounded so cool. We also got another couple of pics to take home.

Towards the end of the scan my FS said that he saw something else..............I was like 'Here it is! Its the 2nd embryo we are meant to have and it was hiding in the first scan!' I said to him 'Oh oh that doesn't sound good!'

Anyways he saw what he thought was a second embryo, yolk and sac, with no heartbeat, somewhere other than my uterus! Scary to say the least. He said that if it was, which he wasn't sure of, at least it didn't have a heartbeat and hopefully it would deteriorate on its own and not cause any dramas. However understandably he referred me for an urgent scan with an obstetrician in his building for later that day.

The obstetrician had a much more high-tech ultrasound and heaps better set up. They did the internal scan and looked at every inch of my lower abdomen. They checked out embie and measured it again. This time measuring at 7 weeks 3 days, which is only 2 days off where I should be if you go by my LMP rather then when I probably ovulated in my cycle. I will always remember the technician saying that it was a 'fantastic looking foetus.' She probably says that to everyone but I tell myself that now when I have a weird pain, or spot of pink etc.

After looking at embie they measured each of my ovaries. Determining that the right one was double the size it should be and the left was larger than it should be - but not as close to double. They advised I had a cyst on one ovary and two follies on the other one. They also showed us all of the free fluid I had floating around in there. From this we determined that my hyperstim from two months ago had probably flared up again due to the pregnancy hormones which explains the conditions of the ovaries and the free fluid. It also explains my baby belly when I shouldn't have one yet - I'm actually losing weight, not gaining it! So what my FS saw was most likely the cyst on my ovary.

So anyways as of today I am 8 weeks 3 days pregnant and counting my blessings every second of every day. I cannot for the life of me believe that I've gotten this far and still think it will all be taken away from me at any second. I think this has definitely curbed my excitement about the pregnancy as for some strange reason I must think that if I don't get excited or show too much happiness about being pregnant, if it all gets taken away from me it won't be as hard! I know that's not true!

I love this lil embie and want it to stay and I beg with whoever is listening every day that i want it to stay and be the one that makes us a family.

Symptoms wise I feel 'off' at various times throughout the day - I can't really predict when or if. I have lil lower back niggles. I pee more regularly. Can never predict what I feel like eating or when. Sometimes at dinner time I'll be so hungry I eat too much and feel over full, and other times I'll barely eat more than a few mouthfuls. I have constipation which is probably a result of not just the pregnancy but also that lovely side effect of hyperstim...........rrrrrggggggggggghhh. So for the last week or so I've incorporated a glass of pear juice at dinner time, and fresh fruit each day for lunch. I'll also snack on dried apricots. I've totally gone off coffee, and chocolate, and some other normal things I was eating before I was pregnant like sultana's and crackers.

I will try and post again in the next couple of days. Wish I had a scan coming up soon. 12 weeks is way to long to have to wait!

Pregnancy update

Since Tuesday I have not had any more spotting by the way of red blood. I have had a couple of instances of a brownish colour when I wipe after going to the toilet, but nothing bad enough to go on a pad etc.

I have begun to in the last day or so feel not so good on and off most of the day now, rather than just in the evenings like pretty much all of last week.

On Friday morning we had a scan with my FS which revealed a embryo with a heartbeat that measured at 6wks 1 day. I was meant to be 7 weeks today, however taking into account my regularly long cycles, I probably did ovulate late and hence the embryo is hopefully right on track. My FS totally agreed with this, however said he wanted to do another scan next week just to check that it is still on track and growing at the right rate.

I was so scared having that scan, my legs were shaking so bad that it was hard for the FS to get a clear picture- one that wasn't shaking. My husband and I are so excited that this time round we got to see the little flutter of a heartbeat on the screen, although it wasn't quite strong enough to pick up the sound on the doppler.

We got three lil pics of the embryo, so on the way home we stopped in and bought two lil frames to put them in and have put one each on each of our bedside tables.

My FS advised that once they have detected a heartbeat you have an 85% chance of the pregnancy continuing healthily. Which at first I thought sounded like great odds, but its only really 5% more of a chance of the whole 1 in 5 pregnancies end in miscarriage odds.

Does it count that I've already had 2 from 2 miscarriages???? I wish it did!

I would give anything for this pregnancy to be the one that makes us a family and hope that whoever the powers that be that are in charge are listening!

Reassuring results

Since Sunday I managed to make it all through Monday, couch bound without any spotting! I was very happy with myself! I went to see the GP and advised of my Sunday spotting and asked for another two HCG tests. I also got my scan with my FS brought forward from next week to this Friday when I should be 6 weeks 6 days and am praying for a healthy heartbeat!

In the early hours of this morning at approx 3am I got up to go to the loo and had a light brownish discharge when I wiped. Needless to say my husband and I found it very hard to go back to sleep, worried that it was the start of more bleeding, so I had today off work as well - couch bound.

I had my HCG test this morning at 8.30am and called for the results this afternoon. The reading was 30 866. Which at first made my heart sink because it was my understanding that the results are meant to double every 48hrs meaning my results should have been over 70 000.

My husband decided to use a online HCG calculator where we got some reassuring results that as the pregnancy develops the HCG levels slow down. For example when your reading is over 6000 the HCG level may take 4 or more days to double. This calculation puts me right on track with my result.

I am still taking it one day at a time, just happy to make it through another day - hopefully still being pregnant. I can't wait til Friday for the scan to know one way or another.

Who would have thought being pregnant would be so scary!

Third time lucky?

I have been putting off writing this next post for one, thinking that I would jinx it, and for two, not wanting to get ahead of myself. However this mornings events have made me realise that I should have been journaling all of this from the very start - to get it all out and not forget anything.

So at Day 35 of my last cycle I did a pregnancy test. I decided to do it because i was being retarded and had started to get that niggling feeling and ridiculous hopefulness that my period was late for a reason, IE that I had somehow, inexplicably fallen pregnant and I didn't want to get my hopes up any further than what they already were.

So to both my and my husbands HUGE surprise we were pregnant - naturally - on a break from IVF. I did two tests - to be sure, and they both really quickly came up with a thick, dark second line!!!!

Looking back on the days leading up to doing the test I remember that one night I woke with a 'headache' type pain in my middle lower abdomen, and I also recall the slightest trace of pinkish coloured mucus when I went to the toilet on a different day.

When I showed my husband the two positive tests his jaw totally dropped - we were both genuinely so surprised that we had fallen pregnant on our own. I cried that morning too, because I was so scared to be pregnant, scared of the possibility of it not working out again. That is the scariest thing I know.

So that was Friday 24th October. I went to the GP that morning and she gave me to referrals to have my HCG levels checked (at my request) because I knew I was in for a stressful time and anything that could make the coming weeks less stressful was healthier for me and the embryo.

My HCG levels on Saturday 25th October were 2100+ and 47 hours later on Monday 27th October they had more than doubled to 4800+. We were both super happy with these results!!!

I continued to be very cautiously excited though, carefully examining the toilet paper after i had wiped for any little trace of pink and taking it super easy in the afternoons when I would come home from work. I would over analyse every little pain and niggle wondering if it would signal the end of this pregnancy. I kept telling myself to be positive and that this could be 3rd time lucky?

I continued with my acupuncture each Friday as I felt this really contributed to me falling pregnant naturally in the first place, and thought it too would be the best thing for the embryo to continue on its journey.

By Friday 01st October I was confident I had developed an UTI and made an appointment to see a GP first thing Saturday morning. With a urine sample the GP confirmed the infection and prescribed me with Keflex - 3 per day until they were all gone. I know that UTI's are common during pregnancy and that antibiotics would be prescribed - so I was fine with it.

Which brings me to today. This morning I have had the first signs of everything going south. I have had some spots of bright red blood and the tiniest clot pass by lunchtime today. I am totally devastated. I had really hoped that this pregnancy would be the one for us and that we were leaving the whole drama of infertility behind us....maybe, maybe not.

I am now confining myself to the couch for the entire day and will drag myself off to the GP tomorrow and request another two referrals for HCG levels - 48hours apart. By now they should be over 40 000 and then the next double that.

I am praying that we are still 3rd time lucky and that my bleeding was just a small one off bleed and I'm good to go.

I know that if the worse happens I am going to be ok. I will survive it and one day get the strength back to try again. It just totally sucks.

Still waiting

Still waiting for my period to raise its ugly head! Its Day 33 today and it should come within the next day or so......

We are on a tight schedule this cycle, because my husband and I have an o/s trip planned starting on 31/10/10, and I need to ensure that this IVF cycle is definetly over by that date. If I was to get sick again with OHSS my cycle of discomfort would be extended for the whole cycle and mine are generally on the long side ie. 32-34 days.

There are no mixed feelings with regards to doing my forth IVF stim cycle........I absolutely hate it! I'm dreading the injections, the bloating, the discomfort, the early 4hr round trip drives every couple of days, the scans, the anxious waiting to see what my ovaries and follies are going to do, the surgery, the recovery, the risk of OHSS, the waiting game to see if your embies are going to make it, or more likely not.

We are not at all good friends, IVF and me - and I've given it more than enough chances!

Made a change

I have made a change I have been thinking about for a little while. When we first started seeing my FS he said that the one coffee a day that I have would not be a problem (caffeine wise). So I continued to have my morning cuppa each day, up until the point of embryo transfer when I would cut it out altogether.

When not doing an IVF cycle at all, on the occasional day I may also have an evening cuppa. That combined with the chocolate eating I have been doing in the last couple of months must mean a more than healthy amount of caffeine being consumed into my already infertile body.

I have been researching making the switch to decaffeinated coffee, so I can continue to have a morning cuppa (like all the 'fertile' people out there) minus the guilt factor. I discovered that in the process of decaffeinating coffee, most companies use quite a lot of chemicals in the process! So all the people out there who have switched to decaf due to less caffeine, are now actually consuming more chemicals than regular coffee.

There are a few brands out there who do organic instant decaf which means that not only is their coffee grown organically, but the process of eliminating the caffeine is also chemical free. My lovely husband found one such brand for me at Coles, (after we had already looked at Woolies and IGA) and I tried it out last night - thinking it may take a while to get used to..........

Not at all! Its great! Slightly different taste to my normal coffee - but so far I'm glad I made the switch! I think I'll stay on this one all through my journey to conceive and then journey to keep a pregnancy (fingers crossed I get another chance), and who knows - maybe even after then, because it is the healthier alternative.

An open window...

Well yesterday morning we got up early and made the trip to see our FS. He requested we have an appointment with him before we were ready to start our next cycle of IVF (which unfortunately is only a few weeks away - maybe 3).

He went back over the details of what our next cycle would be like:

Antagonist cycle - no syneral - injections once daily, then gradually twice daily and then on one day 3 injections as the trigger injection will be given.

He discussed the possibility of OHSS and how it can't be ruled out, but why we are going to do the cycle we are and how that may assist in reducing the possibility of it.

He also again discussed the issues with a fresh transfer with me and my increased chances of OHSS worsening if I fall pregnant (cos I seem to be prone to it) and also seemed to open the window with a multiple transfer slightly, which I was not expecting. He said basically that the cycle would be played by ear, however when and if it comes to a frozen transfer (and assuming we get more than one blastie) he may consider transferring two embryo's!!!!! Well now I think about it, he did exactly say it that way either, but he did mention putting two back - which he has never mentioned in a possible light before.

The reason it is semi exciting is because a psychic long ago told me that my first pregnancy would be twins and that I may need IVF to get there. Ever since, I have been wondering how the hell it can happen when the clinic is so strict with their single transfer policy (which I know can split to twins).

I hope and pray that this cycle is a winner in so many ways, but at least to not get sick, and have at least one embie make it to a healthy blastie and survive the freeze and thaw........oh and maybe a nine month pregnancy thrown in too would be good!

Goodbye mid 20's

Goodbye, and fairwell mid 20's..................

I would like to say you faired me well, but you did not.

I know I will always look back on my mid 20's as a terrible time, the worst of my life to date.

I am praying that my late 20's, and early 30's are not filled with the same depressing infertility associated crap, and that one way or another I can move on.

Fingers crossed
xxx

Some Funnies

Infertility: (n) a medical condition that diminishes self esteem, your social life, as well as checking and saving accounts. Causes sudden urges to pee on sticks, cry, scream and a fear of pregnancy announcements. Treated by a medical specialist who you pay to knock you up - this does not always work. Affects one in ten couples.

If you don't want to know the truth you shouldn't ask. When are you having kids? When my ovaries start working.

I hope to one day kick infertility's arse!

Infertility bites and I'm biting back!

Hand over your baby dust and no one gets hurt!

Wow lucky me! Infertility and your stupid comments!

If God's plan is to let everyone else have children while I sit back and watch, then I want no part of it!

Infertility hurts like no pain I've ever known - but thanks for bringing it up!

I spent $20 000 on fertility treatments and all I got was this lousy fat arse!

I'm not nearly as old as my eggs want you to believe!

Noticed I've got a bit of spring back in my step.....

Dr Dissection: Part 2

So Part 1 left off with our new IVF cycle for next time. Next time is going to be three periods apart from the last stim cycle, ie. two full cycles break.

I definitely need the break, as I think i made it clear to myself yesterday that I am in no shape to be doing another stim cycle any time soon.

I'm disappointed that we are not doing a minimal stim, as I had kind of got my head around what a great idea it would be - mainly because:

• I have done 7 Letrozole cycles before, with next to no side effect;


• One cycle resulted in a quick 6 week pregnancy; therefore


• the quality had to have been good enough to have formed an embryo and started to implant at least which is equal to the best IVF result we have had so far;


• no risk whatsoever of OHSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  

At least i can tell myself if this one doesn't work out then we have a next step and its minimal stim - at lost less angst, gotta be worth a shot.

Something else I came to realise at yesterdays appointment is that there still seem to be plenty of options ie. this IVF injection galore/no syneral cycle; minimal stims; and this other one the FS mentioned re LH injections he might be able to persuade the drug company to give me once they see how difficult a patient I am.

I know as much as I say I don't to do IVF again, I know that I can't give up until our FS says we are out of options or we are wasting our time, and I realistically do not want to be doing this another cycle, let alone until I am 30, but there seems to be enough treatment options to try until I reach that age.

I know that all of this and more would be worth the wait if we actually achieve a full term pregnancy and a healthy baby, but as I have said before, I am now no longer willing to do this at any cost, and I feel that just one more bout of OHSS, will have me totally and irreversibly over it.

Oh and just a reminder for my husband when he reads this: remember the FS did say to spoil me - and that was his professional opinion. Wish he'd written a script for it! :)

Dr Dissection: Part 1

So I have been a bit slack lately with my posts lately, and probably will be for the next 6ish weeks as the whole IVF front gets quiet for a couple of cycles.

My husband and I went and saw our normal FS who is back from leave and missed all of the drama of my last nightmare. I couldn't help but try and analyse him as he went over my results from each of my three cycles to try and work out what the hell is going on. He shook one of his legs (jitteringly) for pretty much the whole conversation which I found a little odd. Did he A) just feel slightly uncomfortable with the difficult conversation or B) did he drink to much coffee or C) was he worried about something - like how I was going to take the conversation? Whether we were going to be all fired up or not???? I don't know? I will have to take more notice of when I shake my leg like that (which i do) and what I am feeling at the time......

Anyways that isn't really important, it was just something I was distracted by in our discussion.

So the discussion went along the lines of one more IVF cycle using a different protocol:
-no syneral
-earlier injections starting at 100 units of Puregon
-more injections towards the end of the cycle
-more expensive cycle

His reasons for doing this one is to try a lesser dose of the original FSH drug used in our first two cycles (puregon); no syneral to try and assist with no OHSS; doing IVF over a minimal stim one last time to try and get a number of suitable eggs, rather than just none or one.

I started to cry when it sunk in that I was going to be doing yet another IVF cycle and through my wobbly voice I explained to him that I'm scared and feel stupid to put myself in a situation where I can get so sick again (OHSS). And that basically covers it to be honest. I'm scared of going through all of this again - injections, surgery, time off work, charging my body up on drugs to end up feeling like a infertile idiot who did it all for nothing and ended up in hospital to boot - all voluntarily.

Wow ok, this post is going to go on forever.............will do part 2 tonight, got to get to work!