Third time lucky?

I have been putting off writing this next post for one, thinking that I would jinx it, and for two, not wanting to get ahead of myself. However this mornings events have made me realise that I should have been journaling all of this from the very start - to get it all out and not forget anything.

So at Day 35 of my last cycle I did a pregnancy test. I decided to do it because i was being retarded and had started to get that niggling feeling and ridiculous hopefulness that my period was late for a reason, IE that I had somehow, inexplicably fallen pregnant and I didn't want to get my hopes up any further than what they already were.

So to both my and my husbands HUGE surprise we were pregnant - naturally - on a break from IVF. I did two tests - to be sure, and they both really quickly came up with a thick, dark second line!!!!

Looking back on the days leading up to doing the test I remember that one night I woke with a 'headache' type pain in my middle lower abdomen, and I also recall the slightest trace of pinkish coloured mucus when I went to the toilet on a different day.

When I showed my husband the two positive tests his jaw totally dropped - we were both genuinely so surprised that we had fallen pregnant on our own. I cried that morning too, because I was so scared to be pregnant, scared of the possibility of it not working out again. That is the scariest thing I know.

So that was Friday 24th October. I went to the GP that morning and she gave me to referrals to have my HCG levels checked (at my request) because I knew I was in for a stressful time and anything that could make the coming weeks less stressful was healthier for me and the embryo.

My HCG levels on Saturday 25th October were 2100+ and 47 hours later on Monday 27th October they had more than doubled to 4800+. We were both super happy with these results!!!

I continued to be very cautiously excited though, carefully examining the toilet paper after i had wiped for any little trace of pink and taking it super easy in the afternoons when I would come home from work. I would over analyse every little pain and niggle wondering if it would signal the end of this pregnancy. I kept telling myself to be positive and that this could be 3rd time lucky?

I continued with my acupuncture each Friday as I felt this really contributed to me falling pregnant naturally in the first place, and thought it too would be the best thing for the embryo to continue on its journey.

By Friday 01st October I was confident I had developed an UTI and made an appointment to see a GP first thing Saturday morning. With a urine sample the GP confirmed the infection and prescribed me with Keflex - 3 per day until they were all gone. I know that UTI's are common during pregnancy and that antibiotics would be prescribed - so I was fine with it.

Which brings me to today. This morning I have had the first signs of everything going south. I have had some spots of bright red blood and the tiniest clot pass by lunchtime today. I am totally devastated. I had really hoped that this pregnancy would be the one for us and that we were leaving the whole drama of infertility behind us....maybe, maybe not.

I am now confining myself to the couch for the entire day and will drag myself off to the GP tomorrow and request another two referrals for HCG levels - 48hours apart. By now they should be over 40 000 and then the next double that.

I am praying that we are still 3rd time lucky and that my bleeding was just a small one off bleed and I'm good to go.

I know that if the worse happens I am going to be ok. I will survive it and one day get the strength back to try again. It just totally sucks.