Dr Dissection: Part 1

So I have been a bit slack lately with my posts lately, and probably will be for the next 6ish weeks as the whole IVF front gets quiet for a couple of cycles.

My husband and I went and saw our normal FS who is back from leave and missed all of the drama of my last nightmare. I couldn't help but try and analyse him as he went over my results from each of my three cycles to try and work out what the hell is going on. He shook one of his legs (jitteringly) for pretty much the whole conversation which I found a little odd. Did he A) just feel slightly uncomfortable with the difficult conversation or B) did he drink to much coffee or C) was he worried about something - like how I was going to take the conversation? Whether we were going to be all fired up or not???? I don't know? I will have to take more notice of when I shake my leg like that (which i do) and what I am feeling at the time......

Anyways that isn't really important, it was just something I was distracted by in our discussion.

So the discussion went along the lines of one more IVF cycle using a different protocol:
-no syneral
-earlier injections starting at 100 units of Puregon
-more injections towards the end of the cycle
-more expensive cycle

His reasons for doing this one is to try a lesser dose of the original FSH drug used in our first two cycles (puregon); no syneral to try and assist with no OHSS; doing IVF over a minimal stim one last time to try and get a number of suitable eggs, rather than just none or one.

I started to cry when it sunk in that I was going to be doing yet another IVF cycle and through my wobbly voice I explained to him that I'm scared and feel stupid to put myself in a situation where I can get so sick again (OHSS). And that basically covers it to be honest. I'm scared of going through all of this again - injections, surgery, time off work, charging my body up on drugs to end up feeling like a infertile idiot who did it all for nothing and ended up in hospital to boot - all voluntarily.

Wow ok, this post is going to go on forever.............will do part 2 tonight, got to get to work!