Feeling like crap

Yesterday was my third scan for my third IVF stim cycle and it was far from good. We had to see my normal FS 's colleague as he is overseas for the next month..... The new FS was fine, however my ovaries were not! I had plenty of eggs - forgot to count them actually as my focus was drawn to the size of them which was the problem. I had the two big trouble makers at 27 and 20 mm and then a range of others around the 12-15mm mark and then some stragglers up the rear at around 8-10mm. I also had some free fluid in the area, which I was advised straight away is a marker of OHSS.......joy!

So I had plenty of eggs, probably too many for my PCO's like ovaries to handle, none of which were growing at the right rate and all doing their own thing.

Whilst doing the scan my FS's thoughts were that the cycle would have to be cancelled, as the two trouble makers probably grew so fast that they may not have even contained an egg; the ones in the middle range should have been bigger; and the smaller ones pose a problem too, which I googled about - they can contribute to OHSS as the estrogen they hold creates a drama.

After having a bit of a think he decided to go with 112.5 units of Gonal F again for another two days to try and give the 6 follies in the middle range enough of a boost to be viable for an EPU.

I am devastated that I am turning out to be such a poor responder at IVF. I thought when I started this journey that it could possibly be a long one, but I never really considered the possibility I would be a poor responder......I'm really scared that I'll be told that IVF is a waste of time for us....I'm not ready for that.

So tomorrow is my final scan. The FS will make a decision whether or not to go ahead with an EPU and I'll get another update on how I'm looking on the OHSS front.

I'm curious as to what will happen if the cycle gets cancelled. Do the follies eventually release the eggs on their own and I ovulate and then get OHSS anyway? Or will the clinic still get me to trigger to cause maturation and ovulation and we can try naturally? Although because I'm at high risk of OHSS will we probably be advised not to try naturally as the OHSS symptoms are much much worse if you do in fact fall pregnant?

If I still get to go to EPU - which I only want to do if the FS really thinks I have at least more than 3 viable eggs, I so won't be getting a fresh transfer due to the OHSS which sucks as well.

Words cannot describe how much I am dreading the OHSS. I recall last time I felt super uncomfortable for over a week. I was in so much pain, one night in particular it was the worst pain I have ever experienced.

I simply cannot understand what the FS can try for cycle number four? They have tried a moderate dose of Puregon and it resulted in OHSS, a slightly lower dose of Puregon which gave me 3 crappy eggs and then a dose of Gonal F in the middle which is looking like the worst cycle so far!